I had a plan, and for once, I thought I was going to stick to it.
One of my resolutions this year was to post on my blog every month. At the time, it didn’t seem like much—it felt completely doable. I even went ahead and highlighted blog post ideas to develop in advance for each month.
I mean, a month is more than enough to come up with something substantial, right? Especially since I’m constantly filled with the most random thoughts and ideas. But here I am, 11 months into the year, with just a single post on the blog.
I promise, I can explain.
As soon as I shared my COVID-19 experience in January, I got stuck. I had so many post ideas, and some were practically ready to publish with just a little editing, but I didn’t know how to start.
Starting anything has always been a challenge for me, which is ironic because once I push myself to begin, I usually go above and beyond—and end up enjoying it. But that doesn’t make the starting any easier.
I keep telling myself, “Maryam, just do it. What’s the worst that could happen?” But the worst that could happen is failing at it. And even though I’m in my late twenties and have already faced several failures, I still don’t handle them well.
My fear of failure has held me back from so many things I could’ve pursued. I constantly worry that if I fail, it will break me.
I shared a post on Medium about two years ago, talking about how I’m both my problem and my solution. I drag myself down so much that no one else needs to. Trust me, every piece of writing I’ve ever published was second-guessed to the point where it almost didn’t see the light of day.
But this year was supposed to be different. This year was about trying. It was about pushing myself and stepping out of my comfort zone.
And yet, I was stuck for months. In the middle of trying to get my groove back, I lost access to my old domain, kulmuslimah.com. I was already debating whether it was worth paying for a domain and hosting for a blog I barely posted on, and before I knew it, I missed the payment redemption period and lost the domain.
Thankfully, I didn’t lose any content and managed to transfer it all to this new domain.
While I’m still hopeful about regaining the old domain, the plan now is to move forward with this one and start sharing the posts I’ve finally gotten around to editing, starting next week.
I hope you enjoy them. 🙂
Leave a Reply